The holidays are fast approaching. For some of us, that means it’s time to be around family. For others, it’s a time of solitude. Then there are those of us “in-between” folks who are with our family but don’t quite feel like we belong or there are certain key family members missing from our lives. Long story short: holidays are rough, especially for people with mental illness.

As I mentioned in my personal Mental Note, my mother passed away when I was 15. Holidays have never been the same since. My family has always been separated, as my parents were divorced prior to my mother’s passing, but it has felt more and more divided as the years have gone by. I still go to these family functions, but I don’t really belong there. I go, do my family duty of dinner and small talk, and then leave to seek out my own holiday coping mechanisms.

I’ve found other friends who experience similar feelings on large holidays, or just friends that have shorter holiday festivities. We’ll chat, play video games, or, if they’re local (which is rare), we’ll get together and have second dinner/dessert.

For those of us suffering from mental health issues, the holidays can bring another profound feeling of isolation. We might feel angry, like we don’t belong with the happiness and warmth that other people are experiencing. Still others might feel isolated even in a room with our own family, especially if our families haven’t been supportive of our struggles. There is still a stigma around mental illness that is hard for some people to understand.

If you’re feeling isolated from friends and family — it’s okay. We’re in this together and you’re not alone in these feelings. We feel like this all year round, but once the holidays roll around we’re subjected to seeing more and more people getting together and being merry. This brings out many emotions. Loneliness, sadness, regret… The list goes on, but we can cope together. The Judge Program has acted for a second family for many us us, myself included, and I have been able to find other friends to commiserate with on many holiday occasions in the past. Then we gather together and enjoy each other’s company. While you might not be able to physically be in the same room, there are wonderful options available thanks to the Internet. Hop into Discord and play some Jackbox games, or whatever works for you. You can be alone without being alone these days.

Reach out to some friends online and see what their plans are. Some people host holidays for friends and don’t travel to be with their family. Others would be more than happy to either bring you along, or check up on you after their festivities.

Holidays can be hard, but we can get through them together.