‘Twas the EDH before Christmas, and all on the table,
Not a creature type missing, casting all we were able.
Stocking Tiger was placed by the chimney (such glory!)
Hoping St. Nicol Bolas would come read us a story.
My opponent was smiling, tapping all of his lands,
Then Myojin of Night’s Reach annihilated our hands.
One mana to my name and I let out a shriek,
I’m not the threat; why Strip Mine me, you freak?!
Calm yourself down, I know you’re no threat,
But If I keep you down they will be in my debt.
I know it’s not fair, but I’m sorry dear Percy,
Yule Ooze and then I will show you Snow Mercy!
I flipped over the table, exhibiting my rage,
Then I pulled out my laptop and found the Gatherer page.
I browsed for an answer; O, what a selection!
But none of these cards are in my collection!
My friends they all left, feeling bitter and sour.
(I wondered, “Is the game store open this hour?”)
I jumped in my car and took off with a flash,
Running into the store with a fistful of cash.
Behind the counter was the jolly shopkeeper,
Time to feed my addiction, I fell deeper and deeper.
More rapid than eagles his assistants they came,
They showed me their wares, while shouting card names!
Here’s Elspeth, Jace, Chandra, and Nissa Revane!
Plus Sorin and Lily and Ajani Goldmane!
We have sleeves on the counter and mats on the wall,
Now please, purchase! Purchase! Purchase them all!
I hopped in my car with new cards, mats and dice,
As I looked at my loot, I felt quite Naughty//Nice.
But on my way home I started to wonder,
What good were these cards with my group torn asunder?
I phoned all my friends to come back to my place.
When they assembled I spoke with a serious face.
“I’m sorry for earlier, I’d been such a jerk,
By flipping the table and going Berserk.”
This I know now, for as long as I’m livin’,
The best kinds of gifts are surely Gifts Given.
I brought you some gifts… they’re not sentimental,
But I’d never give you a Fruitcake Elemental!
I passed out Evil Presents all wrapped up with care,
What good are these things without friends to share?
My friends’ eyes all twinkled, what a glorious sight.
Season’s Beatings to all, and to all a good night!